Random Banter

Hail Death Cab for Cutie's New EP at lala.com

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:19:00 +0000

Death Cab for Cutie just released a new 5-song EP entitled The Open Door. While a little on the mellow side, it's classic DCFC and certainly won't disappoint hardcore fans (myself included).

Checking it out is easy, thanks to the new service offered by lala.com, which allows users to listen to any album for free once. You can listen to it here, but I also recommend becoming a member. It allows you sync with your iTunes library for online listening from anywhere. Plus, DRM-free MP3 downloads are $.89 and albums are typically cheaper than Amazon. Yeah, I'm plugging lala.com, but only because it's worth the hype. Sign up here to check it out. If you'd like a second opinion, check out yesterday's TechCrunch article.

Dora the Ex-Explorer

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:10:00 +0000

Wow, talk about a late bloomer. Dora has grown up, and I don't know how much exploring she's going to be doing in that outfit. According to the latest news, Dora has been reimagined for the tween set, and ties with Boots the Monkey have been severed - along with talking back packs, maps, etc. While Boots may be gone, I hear she is now looking for an alligator pair.

I suppose this was inevitable, but something about having to glam Dora up doesn't sit right. Of course, I might not be the best judge, as I thought the original Dora was a little irritating. As the father of a 4-year-old girl, I’m glad she prefers Sid the Science Kid. Although, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he’s reimagined as a Jonas brother of the scientific community.

Cat in the Grass

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 17:05:00 +0000

If anyone questions whether marijuana can impare judgement, the following AP story the should put those doubts to rest:

"Neb. deputies say man stuffed cat inside 'bong'"

Public Service Message to pot smokers: Cats, or any other animals, should not be used in bongs. It doesn't matter how cute they look.

9/11, TSA and Playmobil

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:44:00 +0000

That Playmobil sells an airport security checkpoint is outrageous. That Amazon.com customers respond with insightful product reviews is hilarious.

I'm particularly fond of these excerpts:

"I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed."

"Not realizing this was a toy I purchased it to prepare for my interview as a TSA agent. Needless to say I aced it and have been happily viewing xrays of carry-on luggage and shoes ever since."

"...the screening apparatus is not actually functional. This represents faithfully the actual TSA system, which, every time it is tested or audited, fails to catch anything (weapons, even bombs)."

"I think expansion packs would really increase the enjoyment. Could you imagine the fun kids could have with the "Mother forced to drink bottled breast milk to prove it's not explosive" expansion...

"At first it looked as though my Playmobil terrorist cell was going have trouble getting through this security system - no naked flames, sharp objects, guns or bombs. Then I bought the Tobacco Lobbyist upgrade pack which allowed cigarette lighters to be carried through so they simply torched the plane instead. Hours of fun for all the family."

Christmas Music Goes Indie

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:12:00 +0000

One of my favorite pop culture blogs, Pop Candy, pointed out that Woxy.com is streaming a “Holiday Mixer” radio station populated with festive tunes from some of my favorite indie artists, including Eels, The Decemberists, and Matt Pond PA.

Normally, I’m one to eschew everything Christmas until after Thanksgiving, but based on current store displays, apparently there are those out there who get into the holiday spirit a little early. If that’s the case with you, I recommend checking out Woxy.com. If you’re going to start listening to holiday music now, at least give yourself the opportunity hear "Donna and Blitzen" by Badly Drawn Boy or "Season's Greetings" by Robbers on High Street.

Ben Folds Has Yet to Disappoint

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:45:00 +0000

The first time I saw Ben Folds (with Ben Folds Five) was nearly a decade ago when he opened up for The Counting Crows at UC Berkeley’s open-air Greek Theatre. I had no idea who he was, but I was taken in by his energy, story telling and piano skills. The release of Rockin’ the Suburbs sealed the deal, and I’ve been an avid fan ever sense.

Since that time, I saw him open for Tori Amos at the San Diego State University open-air amphitheatre, and then a couple of years later again when he headlined at San Diego’s Copley Symphony Hall (Rufus Wainwright opened). I will always remember the latter concert for his cover of Dr. Dre’s “Bitches Ain’t Shit.” That song never fails to crack me up. It even inspired a choir group to sing it a capella.

Each concert has been better than the last, so when I saw that he was coming to the Warfield in San Francisco, I made sure I was online with Ticketmaster the moment tickets went on sale. And, given that I hate Ticketmaster, that’s saying something.

The concert was last Thursday, and Ben Folds has yet to disappoint. I love that he takes the time to talk to the audience and give background on songs. During one of these moments, he talked about how prior to the official release of “Way to Normal” he leaked an entire fake album as a joke. Recorded in one night in Dublin, Ben Folds created 9 original songs that turned out to have the same song titles as the official album, but completely different lyrics and melodies. He played both versions of several songs during the concert, and you’d never know that one was put together in a night.

The bottom line – if you ever have a chance to see Ben Folds live, make sure you do. You won’t be disappointed.

Yet-to-be-released Cure Tribute Album Streams on Spin.com

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:24:00 +0000

If you happen to be a fan of indie music with a soft spot for The Cure, you should know that Spin.com is streaming a new Cure Tribute Album, Just Like Heaven, that won’t be released officially until January 27. Featuring such bands as The Rosebuds and The Submarines, this album brings a fresh perspective to classic Cure songs. Personal favorites include “Just Like Heaven” by Joy Zipper “In Between Days” by Kitty Karlyle and “A Night Like This” by Julie Peel. Check it out.

I’m Barack! Obama Brings Random Banter Out of Hiatus

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:25:00 +0000

I’m 37 years old, and I’ve never been so captivated or moved by a presidential election. As soon as Barack threw his hat into the ring to run for president, I knew there was something special about him. A few months into his campaign, I came to realize that he would be an excellent president. However, I was worried that there was no way the American people would elect a black man named Barack Hussein Obama. I’ve never been so grateful to be wrong.

America has shown that it recognizes the qualities of a great leader and can tear down racial divides and scare-tactics to elect him. Obama has a big job ahead of him, but I trust that he is the best man for the job. One might argue his lack of executive experience, but the discipline and strategy he employed with his campaign demonstrates his capabilities. Plus, he has the intellectual chops and relentless drive to quickly get up to speed on any topic necessary.

As a writer, I was also drawn in by an AP story today entitled, “Writers welcome a literary president-elect.” While the ability to turn a phrase isn’t a requirement of the presidency, it’s a welcome change to the last 8 years - and I think it will help restore respect for our country abroad. I relish not being able to cringe at future white house press conferences.

The election of Barack Obama is a historic occasion, and I hope it’s more than a political milestone, but instead a turning-point for our nation, marking a shift towards greater integrity in our domestic and foreign policies.

Not News: Posh Spice sleeps in the buff with Becks

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 01:19:00 +0000

I think it's great that Posh Spice doesn't let anything get between her and her Calvin Klein sheets, but this is not news.

Don't AP writers have anything better to report on? Sure, this little item is a perfect headline for TMZ.com, but the Associated Press? Has it really gotten this bad?

I know what you're thinking - that I'm some uptight white guy passing judgement from his cubical castle - but, that's far from the truth. In fact, I enjoy a healthy dose of The Superficial now and again.

My point is that it's not news; despite its high ranking in Yahoo! News' "Most Popular News Stories" page.

The benefits of kangaroo farts, now that's news. But not the sleeping habits of Posh Spice.

"Ask Mitt Anything" Really? Anything?

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 17:03:00 +0000

I was recently alerted to Mitt Romney's "Ask Mitt Anything" campaign from a news photo following this article about how filthy rich he is.

So, "anything?" Really? I wonder if someone has asked him about his Jesus Jammies.

Bush urges U.N. to spread freedom...BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 19:19:00 +0000

OK. If you read this story carefully, Bush didn't really say "By any means necessary." In fact, upon further reflection, I've mischaracterized the President here. It would be more accurate to say, "By any means necessary if it would result in an economic benefit, otherwise, just ignore it."

Surviving the Sunday Comics - A Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 14:11:00 +0000

I've been noticing a disturbing trend lately - the comics aren't so funny anymore. Perhaps it's because I'm older, have more sophisticated tastes or am just plain jaded, but many of the current comic strips bore me.

In fact, a couple of years ago, I started selective reading to save time and prevent eye injury from pervasive eye-rolling. Victims of the culling process include Beetle Bailey, Hagar the Horrible, For Better or for Worse, Wizard of Id and Mutts. Out of respect for a long history where I owned 16 books as child, I still scan Garfield, but it's rarely funny.

Fortunately, there still are some pretty funny comic strips that deliver chuckles on a regular basis. I'll present them here in scientific order of funniness.

Get Fuzzy. This is one darn funny comic strip. The interaction between Bucky the cat, Satchel the dog and Rob, their owner is clever and inspired. If you like comic strips about pets, drop Mutts and Garfield and read Get Fuzzy. (click image to enlarge)

Pearls Before Swine. This is a welcome addition to the San Francisco Chronicle. The characters and plots are great. What's not funny about some crazy crocodiles trying to eat some zebras. And their current story arc about Family Circus is hilarious. (click image to enlarge)

To be continued...

Fun tid-bits from Wired Magazine - Sept. '07

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 21:07:00 +0000

It's hard to resist 'free,' so I recently upped my magazine quotient when American Airlines offered me the opportunity to score some free subscriptions in exchange for a languishing lot of frequent flier miles that I was never going to use.

I made bad selections, like Blender, which is far inferior to Spin, but also some good ones like the Wall Street Journal and Wired Magazine. It's the latter that has brought the most entertainment value. After several issues, my only regret is not to have subscribed sooner. It's like Popular Science (which I also subscribe to), but more fun and hip. To prove that point, I'll share a couple of fun articles from the Sept. issue.

Pecha Kucha: Get to the PowerPoint in 20 Slides Then Sit the Hell Down
Thank God for this article. As a marketing writer, I would like to hope that 20-slide, sub-seven-minute presentations would be adopted by business types around the globe. Unfortunately, I'm not that naive. Limiting the number of slides and time required to present them would have the sublime effect of forcing presenters to get to the point.

What's Inside: Snausages Snawsomes
Fortunately, my dog's diet is more or less limited to Eukanuba, Trader Joes dog biscuits and random meat scraps from a bbq dinner. After reading this article, I'm glad that the only time my dog has had "Snawsomes" is when it came free with a dog toy pack from Costco. Let's just say that "corn syrup" comes before beef, and the beef is most likely "skeletal or that which is found in the tongue, in the diaphragm, in the heart, or in the esophagus; with or without the accompanying and overlying fat and the portions of the skin, sinew, nerve and blood vessels." Thank you, Wired, for this valuable PSA. Just say s'no to Snawsomes.

Beware These Six Lamest Social Networks
This social commentary on social networks is right on the money. Short and sweet, but still able to produce a chuckle. My faith in humankind is weakened slightly knowing that this is a social network site for Thomas Kinkade, painter of lite.

I could go on and on with other fun articles, but I'll save that other posts. Plus, I've got to get cracking on Popular Science and Wall Street Journal and Esquire and Business Week and Spin and Newsweek and Consumer Reports and...yes, I have a problem.

I love Tom Swifties, said Jason quickly.

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 23:02:00 +0000

As someone who obsesses about grammar, I am thoroughly enjoying “When You Catch an Adjective, Kill It,” by Ben Yagoda. Although, I now know that a good writer would not have used a cheap adverb like “thoroughly” when a more descriptive verb like “relish” would do. Be patient, it’s taking a while for all of this to sink in.

I’m not yet through the book, but I am compelled to blog about a grammatical pun previously unknown to me – the Tom Swiftly. Yagoda contends that most Tom Swifties are unfunny, but I found myself cracking up at many of them.

The Tom Swiftly hearkens back to a turn-of-the-century series of novels by Edward Stratemeyer where the boy inventor hero, Tom Swift, was unable to simply “say” anything. Nearly every utterance was meticulously modified by an adverb, such as “I am unable to say anything plainly,” said Tom simply. (Yes, these are adverb jokes.)

Wikipedia does a much more thorough (“thorough” here is an adjective, so it’s okay) job of explaining the origins and providing examples, so I’ll just list a couple here that had me in stitches. The last example I tried to tell my wife several times but couldn’t deliver the adverb punch line without cracking up first.

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

"They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.

“I manufacture countertops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

"Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly.

“I’m not sure I’m a homosexual,” said Tom, half in Ernest.

Bush’s Poll Numbers Are Falling Dangerously Low

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 17 May 2006 19:15:00 +0000

As someone who is extremely dissatisfied with Bush’s presidency, I should be thoroughly delighted by his declining poll numbers. However, while I’m happy that America is finally catching on to his dangerous incompetence, the continuous polling concerns me for a couple of reasons.

First, because Bush is failing so miserably, new polls every week show that his numbers have reached new lows. The news reports come out so frequently, that I’m afraid that American’s will stop paying attention. They seem to have done that with the daily reports of soldiers killed in Iraq, so it’s certainly possible.

Second, mathematics dictates that there is going to be a point where Bush’s poll numbers have to stop falling. When they reach zero, they will only have one way to go. Then Fox News might have the opportunity to state that Bush’s ratings have increased 100 percent in one week. Of course, they’ll fail to mention that his approval numbers only went from 1% to 2%.

Luckily/tragically, the ultra-conservative right will likely keep his numbers from falling too low. Bush could nuke California, and they would find a way to justify his actions – especially if it came down to keeping California or raising taxes.

BBC Takes Everyman Interview Concept Too Far

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 16 May 2006 17:08:00 +0000

When it comes to news reporting, it’s not uncommon to get varying perspectives by interviewing subject-matter experts as well as members of the general public. However, it’s important to know which one is which.

The BBC recently ran a report on The Beatles’ Apple Corp. lawsuit against Apple Computer, and sought to gain perspective from an editor of a technology Web site. However, the person they interviewed on camera was not exactly prepared to comment. That unpreparedness likely stems from that fact that the only thing he had in common with the technology Web site was sharing the same first name as the editor.

Yes, the BBC accidentally grabbed the wrong guy from its reception area and put the bewildered man on camera. This case of mistaken identify is funny enough, but the story gets even better. The man went along with the interview and answered all the questions. Not bad for someone who came in to interview for a low-level IT position. Apparently, the intended interviewee shared the same bewilderment as he watched the interview from the reception area.

OJ is Funny

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Fri, 12 May 2006 22:02:00 +0000

When I say that OJ Simpson is funny, I don’t mean funny in the ‘ha ‘ha’ sense of the word. I mean it in the funny-peculiar/funny-murderer type of way. If you don’t agree, consider OJs latest attempt to show the world that he’s not just good at killing people – he’s got a great sense of humor too! He’s doing this by drawing from these two skills to create a comedy pay-per-view special.

Yes, OJ is going to be the star of his own candid-camera show. I’m not sure what his catchphrase will be, but I’ve heard that he’s drawing inspiration from Jamie Kennedy and going with something like “You’ve just been off-ed.”

Apparently, OJ has a killer sense of humor. One hilarious gag has to do with trying to sell the white Bronco at a used car lot. So funny! He’s taking an icon associated with a grisly murder and turning it into pure comedy.

Of course, some might argue that such a gag is in poor taste. Regardless of whether OJ is guilty (which he is), his use of the infamous Bronco for a few laughs certainly smacks of being insensitive. Plus, I’m surprised that he’s got time for a pay-per-view special when all of his free time is surely being spent on looking for Nicole’s real killer.

For shame, OJ, for shame.

Keith Richards is Poster Child for Brain Damage

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 10 May 2006 16:30:00 +0000

Apparently, according to a headline from Reuters, the Rolling Stones deny that Keith Richards suffered brain damage. How stupid do they think we are? Are you telling me that after all the drugs (and God knows what else Keith has done over the past 50 years) that his brain remains perfectly healthy? I’d sooner believe the positive hype surrounding their latest album.

I know that you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but there are some instances where you can. If, for example, the cover is soaking wet, it’s pretty safe to assume that the book is also a bit damp. Judging from the vessel that holds Keith’s brain, I’m guessing that his brain is all wrinkly and cigarette-stained too.

Some might argue that the Reuters article was referring to a specific recent event, but that’s only because those people read more than just headlines. These traitors don’t understand that America is the land of headlines and sound bites. You start reading more than that, and then things get depressing and complicated and way too much to think about.

Video Games Are Way More Cool Than College

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Tue, 09 May 2006 16:48:00 +0000

A recent poll by AP-AOL Games found that 40% of Americans play video games. That’s a million times infinity percent increase from 100 years ago. A shocking statistic, to be sure. To put that in perspective, that increase is even greater than Tom Cruise’s recent decrease in popularity polls.

Ok, I get that American’s like to play video games. Even I like to indulge in some Ms. Pacman from time to time. What’s most interesting is that the poll found that “men, younger adults and minorities were most likely to play those games.” Something about the group sounded familiar, and then it hit me. Aren’t men, younger adults and minorities also less likely to go to college? Can there be a correlation?

Not one to waste time on scientific research when vague generalizations will do, I offer the following indisputable truism: while there may not be a direct cause-and-effect event here, video games are the sole reason that less men and minorities are going to college.

As for younger adults, I don’t think there’s much we can do there. My guess is that no matter what kind of age progression genetic tampering we do, most of the people who decide not to go to college will be young adults. It’s the men and minorities that I’m worried about.

Here’s my solution for these at-risk groups – incorporate college attendance as a requirement to proceed to level 5, or to upgrade to the atomic disintegrator ray. Only then can we hope to get these people in college. Or we could trick them with online degrees that they unwittingly earn by playing Grand Theft Auto: Diploma Edition.

The Rolling Stones Are Looking Good

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 16:09:00 +0000

...compared to what age has done to rock veteran Eddie Van Halen.

What has happened to the once venerated originator of the hard rock guitar solo?! I’m grateful that I was never a Van Halen fan (sure, I occasionally sang along to “Hot for Teacher,” but I never put a quarter in the jukebox to hear it). As a fan, I would feel violated, ashamed even, that I ever put a Van Halen bumper sticker on my beat up Ford Pinto.

If Eddie loved his fans, he would have refused to go out in public like he recently did for Elton John’s Academy Awards After-Party. It’s no surprise that Valerie Bertinelli left him. The photo alone is disturbing enough. I can only imagine what it would have been like to be married to the ungracefully aging rock star it portrays.

Of course there is a bright side for some rock fans. In contrast, the Rolling Stones have never looked so good.

Reuters Has Sense of Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 15:27:00 +0000

I love news agency photos like these. At first glance, it looks like it's your typical photo of the vice president - complete with trademark snarl.

Some might argue that the publishing of unflattering Cheney photos might expose a liberal media bias. I disagree wholeheartedly. It would be nearly impossible to take a photo of Mr. Cheney that wasn't unflattering.

Besides, if you really want to find a sign of a liberally biased media, it would be much easier to notice how Reuters chose to photograph Mr. Cheney with the word "Retire" over his head. If only it were true.

Britney Admits Baby Mistake

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 18:15:00 +0000

This just in from Reuters: Britney Spears admits to baby mistake. Before you jump to hopeful conclusions, I should clarify. She hasn't admitted that having the baby was a mistake, or that marrying Kevin Federline and allowing him to implant her with his seed was a mistake--only that driving with her baby on her lap was a mistake.*

I am hoping this is an important first step to admitting other mistakes. Like the other ones mentioned above, or any of the other inane mistakes that are too numerous to list here. She could start with easy mistakes, such as fashion faux pas below. Unfortunately, I don't expect that to happen. She could have the best intentions and then PopoZao! she falls off the wagon.

I think the best we can hope for is that Michael Jackson asks Britney to bring Sean Preston Spears Federline for a visit to Bahrain, and they so fall in love with the rolling sand dunes and inferno-like weather that they decide to stay. Forever. One can hope.

*I should probably cut Britney some slack regarding the whole baby endangerment incident. Apparently, she was being chased by paparazzi and afraid for her baby's life. I wish I had her nerves of steal. She looks so calm, and Kevin looks like he's lazily chatting with Vanilla Ice about being a white rapper with no respect.

Large Rodent Offers Meteorological Forecast

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 18:28:00 +0000

Global weather patterns are getting increasingly unpredictable. Even with sophisticated radar and satellite technology, it’s hard to predict how the weather will unfold.

Thank God for Punxsutawney Phil. Today, this mystic marmot predicted six more weeks of winter. In an uncertain world, it’s nice to know that we can count on one thing – a long winter. Eschewing modern forecasting techniques, P-Phil (as he’s known in the business) relied solely on seeing his shadow. Thanks to the rodent’s uncanny abilities, thousands of meteorologists can now take some time off.

Farmers across our great land are less enthusiastic about P-Phil’s prognostication. In fact, there have been rumors or a secret agrarian militia that is planning an attack to poke out the eyes of the beloved ground squirrel. In theory, this would ensure a short winter next year, as P-Phil would have no chance of catching a glimpse of his shadow - only strange memories of men with top hats pulling him out of a warm burrow at an ungodly hour of the morning.

Drinking Like It’s 1932

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 18:12:00 +0000

At first, I was upset to find my drink of choice skewered at WaiterRant.net. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a Sidecar. Actually, let me clarify, there is nothing wrong with wanting to order a Sidecar—what you actually get is another story.

I rarely order Sidecars anymore. It’s been my experience that most bartenders are only familiar with the bartending quick start guide, which limits its pages to trendy drinks like Cosmos, Lemon Drops and the proper way to serve a Bud Light. Whatever else is in there, it certainly doesn’t inform these sultans of swill that fresh lemon juice and sweet-and-sour mix are not the same thing.

If I am to believe WaiterRant.net, It’s a good thing that I’ve largely stopped ordering the Sidecar. According to his recent post, imbibers of this tasty concoction haven’t gotten any action since 1932. I beg to differ. I don’t like to have to beg, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Upon reading this slight on my favorite cocktail, I shrugged the criticism off as coming from someone who is incapable of appreciating a good drink. However, as I spied another favorite drink from the list, I thought maybe I did have a problem. Apparently, most people who enjoy sweet vermouth on the rocks were born in the 1800s. In my defense, I picked it up while living in England – and who's going to call the English stodgy or old fashioned?!

I begin to feel better when my friend Doug’s drink of choice, the Manhattan, was also singled out for being enjoyed by an octogenarian clientele. Luckily, my attitude was lifted when I noticed praise for some other favorite drinks, like the Negroni, Vodka Martini and Mojito.

In the end, I stand by my drinks. Call me a fuddy-duddy if you like, but I enjoy a good Sidecar.

(For the record, a good Sidecar should consist of a fine brandy or cognac, Cointreau and fresh lemon juice. A sugar rim can cut the tart for those so inclined. )

Tendons Mount at SAG Awards

noreply@blogger.com (Jason) — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 16:03:00 +0000

It’s officially awards season. Coming hot off the heels of the Golden Globes, the Screen Actors Guild announced its awards last night. As a predecessor to the Oscars, the SAG Awards is often seen as the award show that nobody watches.

If you really care, Reese Witherspoon and Philip Seymour Hoffman walked away with the top awards. The big news was that the Brokeback Mountain stars didn’t garner any of the creepy statuettes.

Frankly, I’m not too surprised, as the awards usually go to actors who take daring roles that play against type. Reese Witherspoon as a country singer?? Philip Seymour Hoffman as a creepy author – those were stretches. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger as gay cowboys?! Come on! You might as well give an award to Rob Schneider for playing a lecherous loser in Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo.

Of course, all the awards shows are just a vehicle for celebrities to showcase their fashion sense, or lack thereof. Wardrobe consultants make a lot of money; however, there is one elusive fashion tip that they seem to lose sight of – find a dress that flatters the actor's body.

While some outfits followed that rule at this year’s SAG Awards (see Marcia Cross’ flattering gown above), some did not. For those of you who may be reading this over lunch, I apologize in advance for posting this photo of Thandie Newton. It appears as if she may have died a few weeks back and was recently revived. She needs to cover up until she gets some meat back on her bones. Note to Thandie: pronounced tendons are not sexy.