Saturday, February 07, 2004

Enough Already

nutcase I was already near the end of my rope with the incessant Michael Jackson media coverage that was punctuated by such gems as the SUV rooftop press conference and Jesus Juice fiasco. The recent titillating performance by Janet Jackson only confirmed my sincere belief that the entire Jackson clan needs to go away. Far away.

If our feared national leader really wants to waste taxpayer’s money by sending a manned mission to Mars, then I suggest sending the Jackson family...the whole lot of them. Sure, Michael and Janet have been the main culprits as of late, but I’m convinced that lunacy runs in the bloodlines. It’s best not to risk it. I don’t think Jesse Jackson is related, but it might be a good idea to throw him in the ship too, just in case.

If this isn’t possible then can we please ignore them? Can the worldwide media please make a pact that they won’t cover anything regarding the Jacksons, not matter how surreal or outlandish? Perhaps if the Jackons knew that we didn’t care anymore, they’ll quietly go about their business. Although we’d have to clarify that “sharing a bed with a child” and flashing 80 million television viewers is not “business.”

I must admit that I do enjoy the news media hypocrisy regarding the Super Bowl’s “Boob-gate.” In the days following the event, NBC’s Today Show provided commentary on how the story was getting over-exposed in the press. Of course, their coverage wasn’t contributing to this phenomenon. I do give Katie Couric a little bit of credit, as she would half-apologize each time she had to give an update on this issue of worldwide importance. Plus, she’s kind of cute.

feared leader For the record, the Jacksons (and Michael and Janet in paticular) are nutcases. End of story. When crazy people do crazy things, it shouldn’t be news. I’m a writer, so no one is surprised when I write – except the half-dozen readers of this blog. The point is, when someone does something that they’re hard-wired to do, it shouldn’t be shocking and certainly not news. When George W. Bush makes up words, does anyone call this news? Oh, yeah, I guess they do.

Janet I’m going to take my own advice and never again mention the Jacksons – unless it’s to cover the fact that NASA took my advice and is shipping them to the red planet. Although, when Michael’s through with it, the planet might mysteriously turn white.

Janet P.S. For those of you who missed Janet’s wardrobe malfunction, I’ve included a photo here with a close up of the sole object standing between this being a simple case of bad taste vs. porn.

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